This Floating Excrement Was Far Too Meaningful! It's the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.

As we consider the television offerings of the recent year, a handful of series emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. From cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly bad docuseries, here are the programmes that had us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.

And Just Like That

How to start with this love/hate follow-up? Burdened with dreadful scripts, cringe-inducing arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series fought to find its footing. Briefly, as the third series began, it looked like it had finally found its groove. Then arrived an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner announced this would be the last series. It concluded on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too symbolic. Still, fans certainly had a hoot dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was almost the least of this drama's issues. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was hard to know where to start listing the problems. The laughably leaden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of wealth and materialism? The seemingly wilful parade of tropes? Acting so poor they felt almost spiteful? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. However, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the restraining orders, abuse claims and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d truly have gleaned it from this three-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this series might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but dismissive egotist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we knew it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of pure admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.

MobLand

Dodgy figures convening in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.

Actually, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to indulge baffling dialects. But there were many other problems. Mainly that it was just really dull; a dispute over narcotics territory between various London picaresques which seemed rather simplistic.

With Love, Meghan

Considering the extent to which she provokes the ire of certain performatively enraged commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into quaint homemaking as intentional statements. But then you view them and are compelled to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine come to life; a meme for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark sayings and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly interesting things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, self-image, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this three-part series chose not to explore them. Rather, the experience was akin to consuming a sales catalogue. She clearly has good reason to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any helps with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too confusing to detail what precisely was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up reeking of a production that was trying way too hard to emulate something far greater than it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How do you succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was immense for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity cameos involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart recruitment of talented emerging comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a single joke milked to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a while longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be handled with care. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lumbering from strangely jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.

Prime Target

We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies spying on – and killing off – academics frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

The Bonnie Blue Documentary

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for sexual exploits as she prepared for her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who showed up to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.